Easter Weekend

Carlos and I were pretty productive this weekend. We practically spent the entire weekend at his lab's library, where there's plenty of white light, is really quiet, and not a person around to bother us. For the first time in a few weeks, I actually studied on the weekend. Usually, I have this awesome study schedule for Saturday and Sunday, but I always end up getting side tracked with chores, eating, napping, and staring at my fish. Yeah...you know, the important stuff and in the end I really only read like a page out of my book.

Things I accomplished:
1. Took a full length test (minus the writing section)
2. Memorized my hormones
3. Became more familiar with physics equations
4. Memorized stuff about the nervous system
5. Spent quality time with my man. =)

As for Easter, I didn't end up painting eggs, but the thought was nice. Instead I doodled a reindeer and a wolf (they were images I saw on the library carpet - kinda like staring at clouds and making animals of them).

Mass was also really nice. I got all snazzed up in a dress that Daddy sent and some cute heels. Other than feeling good about myself (physically), I actually felt like my spirit was lifted and cleansed after mass. I never felt this before. Perhaps, I had been going to life half asleep an now I've finally woken up. This past lenten season, although I wasn't able to accomplish all my lenten sacrifices, my promise to pray everyday definitely opened my eyes. I reflected on my life - focusing on who and what is important, where I saw myself in the future, and how I can improve my life. I see an open field before me, free for me to roam and do as I please. Even though I have a lot to learn and see, at least now I am awake.

Good Friday

"Surrender to death, to start a new life."

-Fr John Unni

He said to "surrender to death...stop fighting...surrender." Now there are a number of ways this could be taken. Obviously, Fr. John did not mean this literally, but metaphorically. Even so, I am not sure what part of my life needs to die. If anything I need to live more. Maybe my nonexporatory side and my worries need to die. Perhaps, my current job needs to "die" so I can "live" with a new job. I've already decided that giving up on my dream to be a doctor is NOT the one to die. I have worked way too hard to give that up now. Yeah, the worries got to go and the "que sera sera" part of me needs to be revived...brought back from the dead. That's how my life can be improved. Drop all the pretentiousness, all the pride, all the doubt, and just be.

Random questions about Good Friday:

1. Why is it called Good Friday, when this is the day that we rejected the Lord, and condemned him to a crucifixion?
2. Why does Daddy eat that bland mung bean soup only on this day?
3. Although I fasted all day, is it ok that I gorged myself with a delicious non-meat Cheesecake Factory dish for dinner? This is probably why Daddy eats the mung bean soup. So he can't feel guilty about his Good Friday meal.
4. Is there an official age when you should start fasting?

Anyway, I was thinking of boiling some eggs and painting them on Easter with Carlos. But how many do I boil? And who will eat all of them? I LOVE boiled eggs, but all those yolks will clog up my arteries. Maybe I'll just paint eggs on paper instead. It's a nice compromise. Too bad I don't have kids for egg hunting. Then when they come back with a basket of eggs in exchange for money or prizes, I tell them that they have to eat all the eggs before they can get their money. Lol, remember when they used to do that to us?

Happy Peeps eating!

Lent

The season of fasting, giving alms, and prayer.

In the past I never gave lent much thought. I just knew that I had to go to church, get my ashes and give up something that I love. Usually it was something physical, like chips and soda, meat, and well, those are all the significant sacrifices I can remember. This year is going to be much different. I want to focus on my spiritual side of life. Forget about what I don't have and haven't done, but focus on me and who I am today. I find it ironic that I'm 23 years old and I still haven't figured out who I am and how to express myself. So I'm going to take this 40 day journey to find myself, and be a better me.

Spiritual fasting: I will give up being insecure. (I got this from church today, and it hit really close to home.) The last couple years, I doubted myself, my skills, my knowledge, my ability to speak, and my future. I will be confident!

Giving alms: I'm going to fulfill my recent yearning to help the community by helping St. Cecilia's. I won't be as involved like I was at St. Jane's, I'll just start small. When I have more time, I'll take on more responsibilities. Perhaps in different communities.

Prayer: Something I haven't done on a regular basis since my junior of college. My nightly prayers before then may have not been meaningful and may have been rushed at times, nevertheless they were still prayers. It was a time for little pep talks with God, some meditation, and reflection. I plan to pick up that habit again starting tonight.

I know I'm not supposed to proclaim my sacrifices to the world, but you are the only one who reads this. So I think that's ok. Anyway, hopefully this will be the best self-improvement Lent yet.

On a physical note, since Lent is also a time of abstinence, I have suggested to Carlos that we give that up. Yeah, he thinks I'm weak-willed, but little does he know. If anyone breaks, it's gonna be him. Muhahahhaha!